


all the things he could never have

by jojo165998



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sad Ending, So much angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, honestly ANGST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo165998/pseuds/jojo165998
Summary: „I loved you!“ Steve shouted.„Well, I loved you too!“ Tony said.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 25





	all the things he could never have

all the things he could never have

—————————————————————

„I loved you!“ Steve shouted.

„Well, I loved you too!“ Tony said. 

His voice broke at the end of the sentence. Steve met his gaze. He saw nothing but hurt, and it ached in his heart. Steve was sure he misheard something. Tony couldn’t mean-

„What?“ Steve whispered.

„I fucking loved you.“ Tony said and his eyes were filling with tears.

Steve couldn’t think. This was all so unfair! But he had to know, even though it’ll surely break him finally. He had to know what could be different, if they just said it earlier.

„Since... when-?“ He dared to ask.

„I don’t know. Maybe since...ever? I just couldn’t realize it.“ Tony said. 

His eyes were shining and the hurt and betrayal in his gaze paralyzed Steve. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

There were so many tiny or sometimes big moments in the past. Steve always said to himself, there would be the right time to say it all. He often imagined the conversation and everything after he would confess his feelings to Tony. 

But he certainly never thought of this.

He could feel a burn in his lungs and realized he hadn’t breathed in a while.  
He took a deep breath but the burning didn’t stopped. Now his heart was burning and aching too. 

Steve couldn’t think straight. After years of longing and pining he never knew he could have have it all. And now- now of all times he had Tony standing in front of him and saying he has been in love with him.

„But when did you realize-...?“

Steve couldn’t say 'you loved me‘. He just couldn’t.

But Tony answered anyways. 

„I think at this one party. When you danced with some girl and I realized I would do anything, if only I could be the one who danced with you.“

Steve remembered that night. It was just after they had won against the Chitauri, they had been invited to a party to celebrate the worlds new superheroes. But he didn’t remember that Tony was jealous. Of course he remembered Tony, he had looked stunningly good in his black suit, but he couldn’t recall that Tony was even paying attention to him.

„Why haven’t you said something? I would have said yes to anything you would’ve asked me!“

„I was afraid!“ Tony yelled. „I was afraid because everyone hated me when they were longer than two weeks in my presence! Maybe except for Rhodey and Pepper. But especially you hated me since we’ve met! So I surely wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship, when it was yet so vulnerable!“

„I didn’t hate you! I tried to get close to you but you never said anything!“

So long! Steve felt the strong urge to cry. It was over 5 years ago! 

„Im sorry.“ Steve said.

„For what? Its not your fault that im always falling for the wrong person.“

That hurt. Even when Steve knew it wasnt entirely dedicated to him.  
It was too much now. Steve felt his eyes burning and his vision became blurry.  
Tony must’ve been crying too, because Steve heard tiny sobs.

„Can I-" Steve couldn’t bear himself to finish the question.

„Can you what?“ Tony asked.

„Can I hug you?“ but then he added „Only if it is okay, you really don’t have to say yes.“

Tony said nothing and just stood there, looking wrecked and broken, with shiny eyes, watching Steve intensely.  
Steve was already beginning to mumble an apology when Tony took a tiny step towards Steve and lift his arm a bit. Steve scooted forward and Tony half stumbled half fell into Steves embrace.

Steve clung onto him like he was a lifeline and breathed heavily into Tonys neck. He just couldn’t do anything anymore. Tony shivered a bit when Steve let his breath out but the he relaxed and melted a bit into Steves muscular arms.

„We could’ve have it all.“ Tony mumbled.

Steve didn’t dared to think about it. He noticed something. „Past tense?“

Tony brought a bit distance between the both of them. He looked Steve in the eye.

„Steve, what are you referring? I can’t do this! After all what happened, hasnt the universe made it very clear, that we’re just not set for another? We cant be together, it will always end bad. Maybe even worse than Sibiria.“

„But we could try! We’ve already lost so much, both of us! Why should we loose each other too, when we could try it?“ Steve asked upset.

„Steve you dont get it, do you? We’ve lost another a long time ago! You broke me! Not just now, you broke me every fucking day! I can’t! Since four damn years, I’ve tried every day to forget you and restrain my feelings and now, after EVERYTHING you say you love me and you want to be in a relationship. Why are you doing this? Why are you torturing me? Why can’t it just stop? I want it to STOP! I don’t want to live this damned life!“ Tonys voice raised with every sentence he spoke. 

They stood in silence until Steve was strong enough to trust his voice and said: „I understand, Tony. I’m so terribly sorry we couldn’t have have it. I’m sorry.“  
Steve understood. He really did. He would do anything to make Tony feel less pained and if thats what he wants he would do it for him.

Tony just nodded and Steve could feel his pain.

Steve turned around to go. 

„Steve.“ he heard Tony whisper. 

He stopped but his back was still turned to Tony.

„I’m sorry too. Maybe in another life.“

Steve stared at the door and his jaw muscle twitched from holding back ugly sounds he would made. 

„Maybe in another life.“ he said, more to himself but he was sure Tony had heard him.

He moved again and closed the door behind him, as he turned out of the room. 

His tears were flowing down his cheeks and a sob rose in his throat. He walked robotically his way out and sat on his motorcycle. He didn’t know where to go, so he drove down the streets without a destination. 

He didn’t know what he’d been thinking. It has ruined everything even more. He had wished and imagined, but as always, Steve had dreamt of all the things he could never have.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my little fic!


End file.
